"I don’t have much in the way of money or worldly possessions, I’m not beautiful, intelligent or clever, but I’m happy, and I intend to stay that way! I was born happy, I love people, I have a trusting nature, and I’d like everyone else to be happy too."

Your devoted friend, Anne M. Frank

2 notes

Is it bad that one of the things that makes me the saddest about my last relationship is that she never gave me a footjob like she promised she would?

I don’t even want one. It was just nice that she promised.

5 notes

There are times when I am unhappy. This is one of those times.

GOOD THING I HAVE TUMBLR HERE FOR ME TO BE MISERABLE WITH!

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The Vice Guide to Eating Pussy

Having recently performed oral sex for the first time in quite a while, I realized how out of practice I am. I think I have put more effort and research into this than any other area of my life.

AND I STILL REQUIRE MORE!

Anyone have any advice in the area?

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rufflebutts:

shoutout to all the other ex-gifted & talented/honor student/straight a/senior editor/star student/99th percentile/once-creative burn-outs who have, since high school, realized they are truly miniscule fish in a giant, endless ocean, criticized themselves to the point of creative paralysis, and participated in so much self-sabotage they no longer see the point of doing anything at all because they’re just going to ruin it for themselves anyway

:)

this one’s for you

(via extraordinanna)

85,393 notes

Man, I don’t know if I can do this Omegle cybersex thing anymore.  Nobody is nearly as committed to the craft as I am.

I’m troubled.

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no-way-usa asked: <3

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You're chatting with a random stranger. Say hello!
You and the stranger both like Cum.
Stranger is using Omegle's mobile Web site (omegle.com on a phone or tablet)
You: So I hear you like cum!
Stranger: True st
You: Giving or receiving?
Stranger: Both >:)
You: DANG IT.
You: You have a penis, don't you?
Stranger: No, I just have really massive tits
You: Then how do you give cum?
Stranger: Through my eyeballs
You: What a glorious evolutionary gift!
You: You should go on talk shows.
Stranger: My awesomeness shaves the platinum cranium of the Chinas
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Question: How often are all of you sticking your fingers in your asses?

Answer: Not enough.  Come on, guys, it’s 2013.  You should all be constantly fingering yourselves in your respective asses.  Get it together.

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The angst in my soul is reaching middle school levels.

GOOD THING I HAVE THE DRESDEN DOLLS TO LISTEN TO!

5 notes